Food, glorious food

What can I say about food? I can tell you that other than alcohol and cigarettes; food is my favorite consumable. I can remember when food was the only one of those three that I had ever had, and it was a much better time for my body back then. I've been without alcohol for years, and cigarettes have really become tedious, but I don't think I could ever go without food. FOOD, I love it, man! I can honestly say that I don't go a single day without thinking about food two or three times, sometimes a lot more. I should mention that if it weren't for food, well, I wouldn't be the man I am today, and that is no exaggeration. I've been eating food longer than I've been doing anything else, it's a lifelong obsession of sorts. Yeah, me and food; we have a committed thang goin' on.


I could go on and on about my love of food, I really could, but I should leave some of the praising of food for other people to touch on. I should narrow my focus to a specific food item, or something. Yeah, that sounds good, so that is what I'll do.


My favorite food. Well, first of all, without a doubt, no contest, my favorite food item is cheese. I need to get that out of the way. Whatever I blathered on about previously concerning my affection for food; double that for cheese. And I don't play favorites with cheeses, I love them all. Aside from 'cottage' cheese, which is some sort of curds and whey prank based on a nursery rhyme. That's the great thing about cheese; there are hundreds of different varieties, you can't get bored with cheese. I like the sharp stuff, the mellow stuff, the stuff so runny you need a spoon, the stuff so hard you can only grate it or chip it, the stuff that is more mold than dairy, even the stuff that is more pasteurized processed product than cheese. I could be a vegan if they allowed cheese, heck, I could live on cheese alone if my bowels would continue to operate correctly on that diet. My point is, I am quite fond of cheese.


My favorite food right now is a sandwich (sammich) that I helped design with a loved one, quite by accident one day last month. We were having a light lunch, toasted brie and tomato sandwiches (sammiches) to be more precise. It was a lazy weekend day, so we had pretty much just gone from breakfast to laying about until we were peckish and decided to have some lunch. After braving the hazards of Lovey's precariously balanced pantry to retrieve her folding griddle thingy, I watched as she put the first brie and tomato sandwich (sammich) on. I noticed that there was a half an avocado from breakfast lying on the counter, and suggested that she add that to the second sandwich (sammich) which she was about to start cooking. As we sat on her couch, she had given me the one with the avocado, I offered her a bite. We both agreed, it was really a great sandwich (sammich). I insisted she trade other halves with me so that we would both have half a good sandwich (sammich) and half a great one. I tried to make this sandwich (sammich) once I returned to the drudgery of home, and it wasn't great. It was still pretty good, but I think my choice of brie was a little too soft, I used too much avocado, and I didn't have the awesome fluffy toast that she had at her house.


Speaking of toast, other than cheese; what is better for enjoying than some delicious toast? Oh, sure, there is a case to be made for crackers, and don't get me started on GRAHAM crackers, but there's something so pure and simple about toast. No pretensions, no gaudy embellishments, just good, honest, hard-working, crispified bread. It's the workhorse of the leavened and heated grain products, that's for sure. Oh, let the bagels and croissants scoff from their ivory towers, let the pitas and tortillas flaunt their multitasking abilities, let the ciabatta and focaccia go pronounce themselves; we know the truth, and the truth shall set us free.


Baron Von Suckhausen (writing as Yellowbeard)